i honestly honestly wish at times i was dead... time became another routine, and thoughts became once again things i keep to myself... funny things leave me smiling til i get home... there i weep, hugging a souless pillow that doesnt return the hug... every morning my cellphone whispers my night table how im gonna wake up and search for a text message that has never come.. and it is right... i do wait that message saying everything will be ok... everything will go back to normal... dumb fool says the book to the bookmark, he really doesnt get it does he... hes a murderer acuses the lamp, he drowned the pillow... things around me know better than i do, but i accept that i have no idea what goes through my head...i stupidly swallow a saliva pill as if it were gonna keep the tears from my eyes, when deep inside i know its not a cure, but a sign of tears to come....
today, as i walked home through a desert of sounds in the empty street, the wind caressed my face, and i smiled, and i wept, and i smiled... confused, with contact lenses panicking in my eyes fearing tears to come, i take a deep breath of that magic air that comes to people when they really need to take a deep breath... and there goes another one.... i look at the gutter between my two tired checkerboard shoes as if it had all my answers... i find none.... and i stand up and proceed to continue wandering through existence, continuing to care about all the wrong things, continuing to ignore the right ones... apparently life is what happens when you just, don't, care... though i am but a simple man, i miss simple things, a message, a voice, an idea, a touch... and i react simply... it is not due to you wind that i wept on the side of the road, outside the door of my empty home.. it is due to the memories you brought... the memories i have... the memories i keep... but most importantly... the memories i weep...
19 comments:
For some reason u remind me of the cheshire cat of Alice in Wonderland... not the creepy disney version but the original book version...
who are you? :O or do you wish to remain anonymous?
I remain anonymous 'cause that way i am not myself when i write to you but someone else..with creepy random thoughts.. someone else u could reply without hating...
aha, the plot thickens (i knew it but wasnt that sure about it, not many people read my blog, and from those, lets say three people on a good "theres nothing else to do so lets read emilios blog" day, not many would use "creepy" on their comments hehe.... well to be honest, i havent read alice in wonderland, so my actual cheshire cat is the creepy grinning, and when i say grin i mean GRIN, purple striped cat, but gimme a couple of days and i can get back at you about that comment... (the fact that we're talking english really helps me btw :P)
I know u knew it was me. It's a great/creepy/random book;i've just finish reading it; i know u'll love it ( warning: it MUST be read in english... too many word games are lost in the spanish version). I hate the purple cat; it's like a a freakin' nightmare... but the actual cheshire cat, from the book, it's a little less freaky... and it reminds me of u...
sounds like quite the sad and miserable cat i guess :S and i know you hate the purple cat, i did pay attention to you, you know?
k...back to not talking again....back to hating ur attitude.. for a moment i thought u could stop being the emo -hatefull guy that you've become and be the sweet funny guy i first met...but u surely love being a drama queen.... too bad.. good bye.
dammit, i thought you were supposed to be another person, "not yourself" you said, and believed me, if my brain actually grasped the fact that you are who you are id be totally different, but what you read is what you get... and by the way, what i meant on the last comment is that we once discussed alice in wonderland, and you told me you hated the cat, and i still remember talking about it... shoot me if you dont like me remembering dumb details about you, after all, everyone can tell you the regular details, im a person that loves to know the dumb details, the person who can tell another "hey, you really hate the cheshire cat in the alice in wonderland disney movie, dont you"... you can try and change me, but i wont forget the dumb details, ever... if that makes you stop talking to me, so be it...
u know it's not about that comment it's about the sad miserable part.. that i hate.. with all my soul...of that i'm sooooo freakin' tired.. i just don't give a damn any more..
well good for you, i supposed you only liked me when i was happy as a button... but hey, im actually kinda sad now, and makes you wanna stop talking to me?... and i only said that, because, YOU comment on a really sad post i wrote, saying i reminded you of the cheshire cat on the original book version... ANY sane person would relate the post with the cheshire cat comparison, so sorry for misunderstading if thats the case, since you havent actually told me WHY i remind you of that effing cat...
You've been sad for.. oh wait!.. like a Freakin' year! So stop trying to make me feel like I was some kind of insensitive bitch..'cause u know i'm not; i'm just tired of ur whining.It was an effing random comment. I just thought u would like the book and the cat.. and I comment in this particular post for no particular reason ..or maybe for the reason that since u've blocked me from everything, only here i could comment something random that reminded me of u... So sorry for that...( If u like sarcasm that's what u get)
Btw... i'm not a sane person...bad luck
so much for being honest... thats what i get for it... and yeah, ive been sad for a year, but guess what, if the parts were all the way around, i could tell you, no, i could PROMISE you, that i wouldnt crucify you for telling me that you are sad for the millionth time.... and just as a side comment, could you even consider for a moment the reason for my sadness ISNT you? and nobody told you you were an insensitive bitch, so dont tell me ive been telling you that... and you complain to me how ive blocked you from everything, what did you want? me continuing to be an asshole saying things out of pure spite? or you didnt want me actually being happy? sigh... i tried, i really tried making an actual conversation but "sounds like quite the sad and miserable cat i guess :S" set you off, cuz if you hadnt paid any attention at that, we could be talking right now instead of arguing... after all i wouldve just stopped talking to you after knowing it was you if i knew we were gonna argue.... so, note to myself: never ever mention to you i am really sad... note taken...
btw me neither
U know? I did try too 'cause sometimes I miss talking to u . But I just can't deal with ur " I'm so sad , I wanna die, I'm the worst person in the world and my life sucks" mood.. I really can't; I tried and tried to make u happy, but I just can't anymore.. The day I gave u a hug , and u send me all those hate messages I realize I was sick of u, and ur stupid attitude, and I just didn't care any more...So that day I decided I wouldn't try anymore.. I wouldn't feel sad about u anymore, and, above all, I realize how u were never going to see me as ur friend.. so that day I decided I was sick of all and it would really be fine if u stop talking to me...
you have that against me? you realize of how much i took just for you? and you do realize i didnt have much of a choice do you? i just had the choice to either love you or not... and you had lots of choices, and most of them involved crying myself to sleep... so pardon me if i did try to make things better after everytime you did a shitty thing to me... and realize that YOU and only YOU decided this time to take things to an argument instead of talking... i really miss you too, you cant even start to imagine since you actually HAVE someone to talk to.... good for you... you dont have to pretend you miss me, i have a good life as it is without you pitying me.... I TRIED to talk you, i really did, but noooo, you had to go to the message after i misunderstood you... you couldve just ignored it, just as i tried to with all the crap i took from you... but i guess you couldnt.... too freaking bad... you couldnt hear that im sad... and tell me, what good is someone i tell that im currently feeling sad and miserable, and returns me to a time where i ALSO WAS MISERABLE AND SAD? NOTHING. IT DOESNT DO ME ANY GOOD AT ALL.... i dont mean to make you feel bad about yourself, but i hope you are proud, i tried talking to you, and at the mere mention of my TOTALLY UNRELATED sadness, you attack me... good bye, youre not making me feel bad anymore, you went through so much effort in the past... buh bye
.... sorry... just hated that comment so much i couldn't ignore it.. sorry... bye..
theres somethings we hate so much... you chose to react, i chose to tolerate... dont worry... hope to see another anonymous comment in a while... i really really do... but next time, try not to remember me who you are, and try not to react as you did today.... you know deep deep DEEP inside i love you... good night angel... you can now stop refreshing my blog... put 2 little bags of splenda on your dreams...
g'night petit poi...
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