How my hope is just her dump.
She is unfazed and I feel like her life didn't change, while mine feels like it's crumbling down.
My eggs were all in one basket, but the basket had a hole.
A hole where the love fell out, and became pain and tears.
My head feels disconnected from my entire body, numbness envelops me.
My eyes feel constantly teary, and my body is so busy dealing with pain I'm feeling cold.
There's a hole in my stomach, but i don't know where it leads.
I was brave today, but sometimes brave heroes die sad.
Time with her makes me so happy, but afterwards I just realize how bad of a lie that happiness is.
She said today's no, was a yes years in the past, but without a time machine there's nothing I can do with that, it gives me hope of something that cannot happen.
Futility is pain, learning that it will not happen breaks me.
I was fine yesterday, why am I broken today? Why can such a good day bring me such sadness, its just a taste of something I cannot and will not have.
Its my turn to weep, to mourn, and to hurt. Hopefully I can suffer so much that the entire world stops feeling sadness for a single second, so it is worth it. Worth it to feel my feelings carved out with a rusty butter knife.
Hopefully this isn't the one to make me bitter, or angry or resentful, but I understand those who become those things. Its hard to deal with the degree of magnitude that a broken heart can cause, and anyone who does, I feel is allowed to do it in their own way.
I just want to disappear. Have silence in my head. Stop thinking all those truths i cannot avoid. I want to forget knowing her, and just be bored with life. Thoughts running around like theyre burrowing in the back of my head, until i just start crying.
And now, I cry.
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