What I feared is, what i hoped is not.

Nothing much else to do. Might as well move on.

Do I have options? Probably but that is probably the right one.

The worst part is I now have about 2-4 times where I have to see her which will just drill me worse into the hole I am right now.

Emptiness and loneliness have taken me out of worse holes so thats probably the call now, but I think it gets harder each time, and thats what I am afraid of.

I've tried to cry but can't I just feel goosebumps of sadness if there is such a thing, those you usually feel right before crying but im stuck in sadness purgatory.

Its not just being sad, its feeling like i just need to give up, stop doing this to myself, stop putting myself out there. I was not built for this and its just futile to continue trying because it always ends up here, with me giving it my all, and receiving nothing in return. People say theres someone for everyone out there, but im starting to think its all a lie, because the amount of conditions that need to happen for me to want to be with someone are so hard to achieve, and when i do achieve them it never goes anywhere.

The emotions are just too overwhelming right now and I need to rest.